An inevitable battle….

PS : It’s s not just you , everyone struggles with it too..

Insecurity is a universal human experience. Everyone has felt insecure at some point of their life. it is a feeling of inadequacy, a lack of confidence in one’s own abilities or appearance and a deep seated feeling of not being good enough. In this post, I’ll be focusing more on physical insecurities because that is what i struggled with and i’m still suffering the effects subtly.

If you’re looking for someone who has battled physical insecurity to a point that it has messed up with her mental health, has led to depression and also loss of self esteem and confidence, ” Hi! I’m the blideeeeee”. Back at secondary, i lost myself because i was not confident in how i looked like. I had the kind of classmates that will insult your physical appearance right in your presence. The most surprising part is that no matter how much i’ve grown now, i still remember everything like it all happened yesterday. All of those things made me so self conscious to the point i became very good at reading lips and i always know when someone is talking about me. I was called all sort of names all because at that particular time my boobs and buttocks were very small. Imagine names like flattie, slay stick, wall and so on for a body i didn’t create by myself. This people didn’t let me breathe, they gossiped and insulted me in my presence and absence. At that particular time, their definition of beauty was having big breasts and buttocks and since i didnt have any of these i was regarded as ugly.

Recently, one of my secondary school class mate replied my whatsapp status and said ‘When did you become this beauutiful?” . That statement brought a lot of memories and flashbacks to what happened back then and i replied  ” I’ve always been beautiful but you all were too blind to see it”. I’m very certain that he was shocked at my response.

 Imagine being insulted and made to feel bad about how you looked to the point that you started stuffing clothes into your bra because you wanted your boobs to look bigger than they seemed but after doing that, the insult didn’t reduce but grew worse. Then you decided to make it look extra real by adding water into baloons , placing them into socks and putting into your bra and wearing it school. ( lol…. funny right? put me in your imagination as the person who did all of these).

Sometimes when i remember all of these, i cringe and wonder how i developed all of these ideas all beacause i wanted all the bullying to stop. I remember adding this issue to my prayer points back then.           ” God please let my breast and bum bum grow” . Those were my exact prayer points back then. Someone would probably be wondering where my mum was when all of these were happening. I made sure i hid everything from her but she eventually found out. she caught me with the water baloon, she asked why i did it but ofcourse i couldn’t open up to her, she told me to stop , took pictures of it and threatened to report me to the administrator of my school if i did it again. I didn’t stop, instead, i developed techniques on how to hide whatever i was doing from her while my self esteem kept decreasing day by day.

I eventually stopped doing that when i started noticing there were some changes in my physical appearance but did the trauma leave me ? NO, i’m still very concious about how i look, i don’t wear certain type of clothes up till now beacause of what happened. When i notice people looking at me, i start feeling like i’m not looking good. 

I don’t like attention,excessive compliments and sometimes my insecurities hit me so hard and causes mood swings and flasbacks.

One thing i’ve come to understand is that, most people who judge other people’s physical appertance don’t know how bad their words can hurt a person. Most of them are insensitive, insecure and derive pleasure in making people feel bad. Infact, our society in general judges people’s physical appearance too much forgetting that nobody created themselves. The truth is you can’t please people because no matter what they’ll surely have something negative to say. It’s a common knowledge that human beings are inastiable.

They’ll insult someone that did BBL (Brazzilian Butt Lift) , insult someone with a natural body, insult someone that bleached his\ her skin, insult someone that is dark in complexion ( you look like charcoal too much.), skinny is too bony, fat is too puffy, makeup is too fake, your natural face looks so hideous because of acne, nose too big, lips too big, a girl isn’t meant to have small lips, you’re too short, when you’re tall, your legs are too long, your ass is flat, your chest is like a wall, your eyes are too big, i could go on. The complains never stop. what do people really want?

Honestly, it’s no secret that many people have insecurities about their physical appearance. for some, it’s something that’s always in the back of their mind , while for others it’s a constant source of anxiety and self doubt but what’s even more troubling is when other people add to these insecurities by making negative comments about someones’s appearance. Whether it’s a passing remark or a pointed insult, these comments can have a lasting impact on a person’s self- esteem and mental health.

In some cases, peope may not even realize the impact of their words.

“HURTING SOMEONE CAN BE AS EASY AS THROWING A STONE IN THE SEA. BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW DEEP THAT STONE CAN GO.”

I saw this quote somewhere and it really got me. People may think that they’re just making jokes or giving a friendly advice but what they don’t realize is that their words can stick with a person long after they’ve said them . A single comment can stick in someones’s mind for years, leading to feelings of shame, anxiety, and even depression. That is why it is so impotant to be mindful how we speak to others, especially when it comes to physical appearance. Even if we think we’re being funny or helpful, our words can have a lasting impact.

Relating physical insecurities to people who have scars on their body, you’ll find out your negative comment does more harm than good. Scars can be a sensitive subject for many people. Not only do they often represent a difficult or traumatic experience, but they can also be a source of insecurity. People may feel self-conscious about their scars, worrying that others will judge them or find them unattractive but scars don’t have to be a source of shame. In fact, many people see their scars as a badge of honor, representing a time when they overcame adversity. Scars can also be a reminder of how resilient and strong we are. By changing our perspective on scars, we can start to see them as something to be proud of, not ashamed of. I have seen many people make fond of orher people scars. please, they didn’t for ask what happened to them. They are just victims of circumstance and anyone can be in that kind of situation.

Like Alessia Cara said in her song ‘Scars to your beautiful’,

‘You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are,

And you don’t need to change a thing,

The world could change it’s heart ,

No scars to your beautiful,

We’re stars and we’re beautiful.’

To those who have gotten used to insulting other people’s physical appearance, please keep that negative comment to yourself. You’re not perfect and you also have flaws. You don’t have to physically kill a person before you can be called a murderer. You can murder a person with your words. I heard of a case of where someone commited suicide because of another person’s words.

Criticizing others physical appearance is never okay. Even if you think you’re just joking around. Instead of focusing on how someone looks, focus on their character and the things that make them unique and special. We can all make a difference by being kind and respectful to others, no matter what they look like.

If you’re struggling with physical insecurities, try to remember that you’re so much more than your appearance. Your worth is not determined by your looks, and there’s no one “right” way to look. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you for who you are, and practice self-acceptance and self-love. You are unique, special, and valuable, and your scars are a part of what makes you who you are. Focus on the positive, and know that you are loved.

It’s also important to remember that everyone struggles with insecurities, no matter what they look like on the outside. I started with my own personal experience because i want you to know that you’re not alone, and there’s no need to compare yourself to others. Try to focus on what makes you happy, whether that’s spending time with friends, engaging in your hobbies, or practicing self-care. Find things that bring you joy and fulfillment, and let those things be a reminder of your value. And remember, it’s okay to have bad days and to struggle with your insecurities, just don’t let them define you.

I’m not totally over my insecurities yet, but I’m fighting resiliently to overcome them. It took a lot of courage to let this out, and it’s a huge step to accepting myself. I won’t give up on myself. I’m unique and worthy, no matter what my insecurities say. As you continue on this journey, remember to be kind to yourself. It’s easy to be your own harshest critic, but it’s also important to show yourself some compassion. Mistakes and setbacks are part of life, and they don’t make you any less worthy. You’re human, and you deserve to be patient and understanding with yourself. Even though it might not always feel like it, you’re doing an amazing job. Be proud of the progress you’ve made so far and know that you’re not alone in this journey. Many people are going through the same thing. Most importantly, love yourself.

I LOVE YOU ALL…

Till i write again, it’s bye for now.

THANK YOU FOR READING…..