It’s no secret that Lagos is one of the most chaotic cities in the world. With over 15 million people crammed into a small area, the city is constantly buzzing with activity and one of the most chaotic aspects of Lagos is its traffic. From bumper-to-bumper gridlock to chaotic roundabouts, Lagos drivers have to deal with a lot of stress on the road and this stress often leads to some colorful display of madness.

Driving in Lagos can be a bit of a madhouse, but it’s also an experience like no other. From the way people navigate traffic to the way they communicate with each other on the road, it’s unlike anything you’ll see anywhere else.
For example, it’s not uncommon for drivers to honk their horns constantly, weave in and out of traffic, and even drive on the wrong side of the road and that’s just the beginning. Even though it may seem chaotic, it’s all part of the rhythm of Lagos.

It’s not just the commercial drivers who are involved in the madness of Lagos roads, it involves everyone.  Whether you’re a private driver, commercial driver or even a passenger, you need to be prepared for the chaos. infact, I feel that in order to drive in Lagos, you need a certificate of madness. The madness is so extreme that it’s almost a rite of passage. You’re not a true Lagosian until you’ve experienced the madness of the roads but despite the chaos, there is a certain beauty to it. The chaos is like a dance, with everyone moving in unison.

The madness of Lagos driving is like a never-ending performance, with each driver playing their part. Some drivers are aggressive and pushy, honking their horns and weaving in and out of traffic. Others are more laid-back, taking their time and letting the madness wash over them and then there are those who are just trying to survive, navigating the chaos as best as they can but no matter how the drivers approach it, the madness is always there. It’s like an invisible force, pulling everyone into its grasp. And yet, despite the madness, there is a certain harmony to it. It’s a symphony.

Drivers in Lagos are specialized in dashing out colourful insults and for some reason the insults are funny when you’re not the direct receiver of the insults and when it’s in yoruba.

I was in a commercial bus ( Danfo) on my way to church one Sunday morning when the bus driver started reversing and almost hit a speeding tricycle (Keke). The next thing I knew, both drivers were shouting at each other. The bus driver shouted ‘werey!’ and the tricycle driver yelled back ‘oloshi!’ I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all.

I’ve had similar experiences like this and it’s just so funny that the first thing that comes out of their mouths is insults. From the infamous ‘Wetin you dey do for road?’ to ‘You no dey see for road?’. The common ones are ‘Oloshi’, ‘Oloriburuku”, ‘ Werey’, ‘Abeg shift’ and so on..

No matter what happens in Lagos, the first reaction is always to shout an insult. Whether it’s a traffic jam, a near-miss, or even just a small disagreement, insults fly in all directions. It’s as if the people of Lagos have a special vocabulary of insults that they whip out at the slightest provocation. It’s a bit like a reflex – something they can’t help but do. It’s comical, in a way.

it’s amazing how quickly tempers can flare and insults can fly but even in those moments, there’s a certain humor to it all. It’s like a show, and everyone is a character in it. And sometimes, all you can do is laugh. The shouting, the insults, the near-misses . it’s all part of the experience. It’s like a rollercoaster, with ups and downs and twists and turns. But at the end of the day, you just have to go with the flow and enjoy.
Sure they swear like sailors and drive like maniacs but it’s all part of the experience of being in Lagos.

Another thing is that no one ever wants to take the blame for anything. In Lagos, it’s like no one is ever at fault . Everyone is right, and everyone is wrong. No matter what happens, someone is always going to be yelling and pointing fingers. It’s a bit like a comedy of errors, but with cars.
It’s not uncommon to see people getting out of their cars to argue, only to find themselves stuck in the middle of the road, blocking traffic.

I witnessed an incident where a car hit  another car. The impact caused significant damage to the rear bumper of the car that was hit. The driver whose car was hit got out of his car in a rage and started yelling at the other driver. The other driver responded in kind, and the situation quickly became heated. It was a shocking scene, made even more bizarre when one of the drivers grabbed a fire extinguisher and started smashing it on the other driver’s windshield.
A police officer had to interfere to calm the situation down.

  Meanwhile, the situation affected other cars on the road because there was no way to move.
The roadside hawkers benefitted from the standstill on the road . I even overheard the bottle water seller praying for more incidents like this because it promotes sales. I just couldn’t hold the laughter within me. Truly, another man food is another man’s poison.

The impatience of Lagos drivers is on another level. Some of them zoom around the streets like they’re being chased, honking and swerving to get where they’re going to as fast as possible. They’d rather cut in front of other drivers or make illegal turns than take the extra minute to follow the rules. And if they get caught, they’ll try to bribe their way out of trouble.

The crazier ones are the internet fraudster (Yahoo Yahoo boys….lol..). Whenever they buy a new car , they drive on the road like they have nine lives . Some of them don’t even go to driving schools before they start driving. That’s when you’ll see a car drive past you so fast that you’ll be wondering if the car was stolen and the thief was being chased because whoever was in the car was driving like he had “A save me”. ( if you play temple run, you’ll know what that means).

They always forget that  there’s a price to pay for impatience. They might get to their destination a little faster, but at what cost? They put themselves and others at risk, not to mention their reputation and wallet. Maybe they should learn a lesson from the tortoise, who won the race by being slow and steady. In Lagos, patience is a virtue , even if it’s not always rewarded.

Regardless the madness of commercial drivers, they’re still sweet set of people who have the ability to start and sustain conversations with you while driving and even make you laugh. Some would complement how you look and make you smile brightly. At the end of the day, they’re just trying to make ends meet.

in the case of  the madness, Well, maybe it’s not so much madness as it is passion. Passion for getting where we’re going, passion for life in this crazy, vibrant city. So the next time you see someone driving like a madman in Lagos, try to see it from their perspective. Maybe they’re just expressing their love for this crazy place we call home and maybe, just maybe, we can all learn to be a little more patient and a little more understanding , one mad Lagos driver at a time.

To the private car owners that also display madness while driving on the road, please consider we that do not have “three thousand naira for bus and make you use of our legxus and Prada”.  Our legs are as precious to you as your cars .

So, what’s the lesson here? Lagos drivers, take a deep breath and relax.  Yes, the traffic is bad. Yes, it’s frustrating, but getting angry and impatient won’t make it any better. In fact, it will only make things worse. So let’s all try to be a little more patient and respectful on the road. After all, we’re all in this together. We’re all just trying to get where we’re going, and we’ll all get there faster if we work together. So let’s all take a deep breath and give each other a little grace to each other.

PS: The title of the blog was Inspired by Damilare Kuku’s book ( Nearly all men in Lagos are mad).

Till I write again,
Thank you for reading..

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