*Takes a deep breath*

I never thought I’lld be sharing this particular story. You’re probably curious to know why I attempted suicide.i would probably say I was naive and was overwhelmed with depression.

The question is why would an eleven years old child be depressed?

Suprising right?

Well, I guess depression has no age limit. I am still asking myself why suicide was the only thing that came to my mind.

At age ten, I lost my dad. I was closer to my dad more than I was to my mum. My dad was my everything. ( Story for another day)

After my dad died, my grades came crashing down. From being among the top in class to being a perpetual dullard. *Smiles*( if some people see this, I’m sure they’ll be like “was Tildah ever a dullard?”)

Well…Tildah was more than that. I started getting distracted in class. I found it very hard to concentrate during classes. My notes were incomplete and I was just a Shadow of myself. I tried my best, I tried so hard but it yielded no efforts. After the first two terms passed, my class teacher called and told me that if by the next term my results comes out the same, I would be asked to repeat the class.

At that point, I knew I had to put more efforts. The term came to an end and when I was given my results, it came out the same. I was heartbroken and had a lot of thoughts in mind.

How am I going to go home with a result like this? How would my mum feel? How would my siblings look at me?

For some one who used to be among the best to end up where I found myself, I was ashamed of myself. The only thing that came to mind to do at that point was to alter my result. I altered it with a black pen before going home.

When I got home my mum asked to see my result, and when I showed her, she noticed that it was altered and asked if I was the one that altered it and I denied it. Instead, I told her that it was my class teacher that did it . I told her that my class teacher said there was a mistake and she used a pen to change the result. My mum knew I was lying and just wanted to hear me say the truth but I couldn’t. She showed my siblings and they all asked me to tell the truth but I continued in falsehood.

The next day, my mum went to school with the result to see the principal. While she was at the school, I was at home scared of what the outcome was going to be. I was praying for a miracle but it never happened.

When my mum got back home, she was angry and disappointed in me. She told my siblings what happened and they also showed their displeasure in what I did. She told me that the principal said I would be punished for what I did. The punishment involved being brought out on the assembly ground and caned. Hearing that, my whole world came crashing down.

Literally everybody knew me in that school because I was the 3rd runner up of the school’s talent hunt. It was devastating. After hearing what my mum said, I left her shop and went upstairs where I’lld be alone. I cried my eyes out. I cried to the point that my eyes became sore and dry. The only thing that came to my mind was to end it all. I said to myself that I’lld rather die than face that kind of disgrace. At that point, that was the one thing that came to my mind. That was my only escape. I didn’t think about how my mum and siblings would feel. I didn’t think about anything. I didn’t think about the consequences. I just wanted to end it all.

So I got up and took a knife, I tried pushing it into my stomach but it wasn’t sharp enough. I threw it down and then I picked up liquid soap, I poured it into a cup, I added toothpaste (where on earth did I get that kind of an idea🙂) and I poured powder and perfume into the cup. I mixed it all together and gulped it all in..

Minutes later, I started feeling pains in my tummy and suddenly I saw my nephew beside me and then I saw him going back downstairs. He went to call my mum and she rushed to meet me. That’s basically all I can remember.

I remember waking up to see my mum and my siblings all around me. My mum looked really worried and she hugged me so tight. She scolded me and promised to change my school. She warned me never to try it again.

Suicidal thoughts work together with depression. At that point, I was depressed because of all what was happening around me. Suicide seemed like the only option and solution to my problem. Suicidal thoughts disguses itself and makes depressed people see suicide as the only escape route and solution to their problems. They forget about people around them. They become lost in an entirely separate world. Their sense of reasoning leaves them and the only thing they have in mind is to kill themselves. If you’re reading this and you have attempted suicide, I’m pretty sure you understand what I’m talking about and if you’re reading this and you’re having suicidal thoughts, please erase it, no matter how big your problem may seem. Suicide is never the solution. Even the bible condemns it because you’re taking a life that isn’t yours. Take your problems to God. Nothing is too difficult for him

SUICIDE IS NOT THE WAY