Finding the humor in heartbreak, one Nigeria joke at a time…..

Rise and shine, ladies and gents!

It’s time to dig into the delicious and nutritious meal that is heartbreak – popularly known as breakfast in Nigeria. This morning meal is packed with a variety of nutritious ingredients, including tears, heartache, and maybe even a dash of self-pity. So grab a spoon and dig in – just be sure to have some tissues nearby

Once upon a time, there was a heart. It was a happy little heart, beating away in the chest of a hapless human. But one day, the heart was smitten with love, and its owner fell head over heels for a certain someone. Alas! the love was not returned, and the heart was left to face the dreaded fate of heartbreak A.K.A.breakfast.

Like Burna boy once said ” las las ! na everybody go chop breakfast”. He has probably had his own share of breakfast served to him. That’s a quick reminder that nobody is immune to heartbreak. No matter how hard hearted you may claim to be. In my own opinion, it is part of life and it is something everyone has to go through. it may not necessarily be the one gotten from failed relationships but heartbreaks come in different forms. it could be from the death of a loved one, betrayal, failure and many others but I’ll be focusing on the relationship aspect.

I’m very sure I am not the only one that has noticed that when you’re heartbroken you actually feel a kind of pain in your chest. This is an unexplainable physical pain you feel internally.

When it comes to heartbreak, the chest pain is no joke. Some have theorized that it’s caused by the heart being metaphorically broken into a million pieces. But in reality, it’s thought to be the result of a surge of hormones and neurotransmitters that cause the chest muscles to contract, leading to a tightening sensation. Add that to the stress and sadness of heartbreak, and it’s no wonder your chest feels like it’s in a vice grip! But take heart (no pun intended), it will pass eventually.

During this period, that’s when flashback technique works effectively even when you don’t want it to. You start going down memories lane,time spent with each other, things done together and even intimate times. You may just see someone doing something or putting on a particular thing and it reminds you of the person. His/her favorite song, a song you both listened to together, a movie you both watched , pictures together, videos together etc. and if you both were the type that wore matching outfits and took videos of where you both kissed each other and as a girl, your boobs were fondled and ass spanked and squeezed and then posted online.
Most times when I see videos like that online, not like I’m judging or being a “bad belle” but I’ll just be like “imagine you guys break up , let’s say you’ve moved on , you’re with someone new or you’re even about to be married and this video pops up from nowhere”.
My dear, ” you go explain tire, no evidence”. Mind you, the internet never forgets. It’s even during this period that you’ll start seeing sex tapes and nudes getting leaked . Analysing this properly, you’ll find out that in most cases the girl was aware that she was being recorded  and in the case of the nudes, you find out that the girl sent it herself to the guy and ofcourse she sent it with the “view once” feature on WhatsApp. lol.. girlll, I know you trust your man but he can use another phone to snap his phone.. just saying 蘿
Now in the case of the sex tapes getting leaked,  I know a lot of people would come for me if I say this but I’ll still say my mind. ” I’ll keep my thing brief “
Sex is for married people and as far as y’all are not married, y’all are not supposed to be having sex. Now, let’s imagine there was no sex,there wouldn’t be any sex tape getting leaked.. just saying tho.

Now let’s look at it from another perspective, you’ve dated five guys as a girl, you had sex with all at different and numerous time and let’s say you got pregnant in the process for two and you kept aborting and in the process your womb got damaged and he ends up leaving you at the end. What will you do?

Some guys can be very wicked, they can still be with you and be planning their wedding and then you find their wedding invitation card. what will you do?

Dear ladies, before you go and jump into bed with that handsome hunk, I’d like to give you a few words of advice. Pre-marital sex can be fun, but it can also lead to a world of trouble. For one, you might get pregnant, and no one wants to deal with that before the wedding bells are ringing. Secondly, you might get emotionally attached to someone who’s not ready to commit, and last but not least, you might end up with a sexually transmitted disease.
So before you go and throw caution to the wind, think twice about whether pre-marital sex is worth the risk. so before you give into that temptation, remember that celibacy is the new sexy!

So, where were we before we went down the rabbit hole of abstinence? Oh yes, we were talking about heartbreak!

As a Nigerian , one of the most dreaded phrases you can hear from your parents is ‘Go and turn semo’. It doesn’t matter if you’re heartbroken or you were just served ” breakfast” – when your Nigerian parent tells you to go and turn semo, you know you’re in for a long night. But what’s even more frustrating is that they never seem to understand that you’re going through breakfast. You try to explain to them that you’re feeling blue, but they just give you a blank stare and ask you to go and turn semo. It’s enough to make you scream!

It’s as if they have some kind of sixth sense that allows them to know when you’re in distress, but somehow they’re completely blind to the fact that you’re going through breakfast. You could be sobbing your heart out, but they’ll still give you that look and say ‘You’re not tired, you’re just lazy’. And before you know it you already have your hands full. But hey, at least you’re getting distracted .

it is also at this period that you start listening to more of heartbreak songs like: You broke me first , Someone like you, Thunder fire you ..lol..( Ric Hassani probably had his own share of breakfast when he wrote this song), and many others. Some start posting sexy pictures to spite their ex, some may decide to get closer to God and  some may decide not go into any relationship again.

I’ve seen scenarios where some people decide to starve themselves..( Ehn, that can never be me..lol..)How do people even do that thing . (I remember one time I wanted to try it, Omo , I quickly rushed to get food o, I wanted to die). Some may even decide to take their lives.
My dear, no matter what, you’ll still get through it. It may look so impossible but trust me you’ll get over it. As a guy, when you die, a lot of females will pass over your grave and as a girl , a lot of males too.. Taking your life isn’t the solution at all. That person you’re thinking you can’t get over, trust me, you’ll get over the person.

“Fear Women ! Fear men!” infact you all should fear yourselves . The truth is we have the good ones but they seem hard to find.
“All men are scum, All men are scum.”
okay I agree, but find your own scum that will love you with all his heart.

The truth is we all need to work on ourselves before going into any relationship. This is one of the ways we can avoid past experiences from repeating itself.

The storm of heartbreak. The moral of the story? Heartbreak is tough, but it’s also an opportunity to grow and find strength.Whatever it is, remember that heartbreak isn’t the end of the world – it’s just the beginning of a new chapter in your life. 
So take care of your heart, but don’t be afraid to let it love again. It’s worth the risk! 

Til I write again…
Thank you for reading ❤️