You’re probably thinking that this write- up is to showcase my beauty or better still ” the beauty in me” (Smiles), You’ve got it all wrong darling.

Hi, I am Omenai Matilda and I am finally accepting that I am beautiful.

Years back, I never saw myself as beautiful. Infact,I always saw myself as an ugly creature.i was always shy and scared to attribute the word beautiful to my being. I had low self-esteem and this wasn’t my fault. I was surrounded by people who always made me feel less of myself.

I remember back at secondary school, there was a general discussion in the class or I think I should call it an argument about who the finest girl in the class was and I remember someone mentioning my name and suddenly there was an outburst of laughter. At that point, I wished I got swallowed into the ground because for some reason it felt like a slap, just that it wasn’t physical. Do you remember when the word dirty was used to qualify a slap, okay, so that’s how it felt. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t, I could feel a slight pain in my chest, the kind of pain that drugs couldn’t cure.

Another incident was when my classmate, a guy, bluntly called me ugly. That day, I went to the toilet and I cried. I cried to the point that a senior who was my friend,( precious onoharigho) had to come get me after my friend told him what happened. He consoled me and he kept saying ” you’re beautiful, don’t let people’s words get to you”. I stopped crying and assured him that I was okay but deep down I knew that I wasn’t.

It got to the point that if someone complemented me and called me beautiful, I would go to my mirror,stare at myself for long, like I was searching for something that got missing. Truly, I was searching for something, I was searching for that beauty, I was searching for that beauty in me, I was searching for that beautiful me but I never found her. All I could see was an unhappy, broken and empty being. All I could see was an ugly creature.

I avoided taking pictures with people or even regular selfies cause I didn’t want to look stupid. That’s why I don’t really have pictures that would serve as memories of me being in secondary school.

This is one of the reasons why I don’t like complements up till date. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I end up not believing them. It has been a hard journey to self acceptance and self love. I am finally accepting that I am beautiful. I can proudly say that I am a spec.

Beauty doesn’t deal with just physical attributes. Beauty also involves who you are inside. Beauty deals with both interior and exterior features. I may not be fully confident about my own physical beauty but I am convinced that I am beautiful inside. I can proudly attribute that word beautiful to myself now even though sometimes I might still feel ugly but self acceptance is a gradual process.

I guess people never realize what their words can do to a person. Even the bible emphasizes on the might of the tongue.

If you’re reading this now and you’ve had a similar experience, I want you to know that you’re beautiful. You’re made in the image of God and so, if God is beautiful beyond description then you’re also beautiful beyond description. You’re beautiful inside and outside.

When you start to accept yourself the way you are and begin to see the beauty in you, you will no longer need complements or validations to make you feel beautiful.

Today, I am accepting that I am beautiful and I can see the beauty in me.

Thank you for reading. ❤️